ITS MENTAL WELLNESS BLOG

Stress Management Melanie Hall Stress Management Melanie Hall

3 Simple Relaxation Techniques For Easing Stress & Anxiety

We all deal with anxiety and stress from time to time. In fact, it’s probably the number one complaint and cause for visits to the doctor’s office. And stress and anxiety can lead to a number of health problems including insomnia and heart disease.

We all deal with anxiety and stress from time to time. In fact, it’s probably the number one complaint and cause for visits to the doctor’s office. And stress and anxiety can lead to a number of health problems including insomnia and heart disease.

In short, too much stress is a bad thing.

Here are three amazing relaxation techniques to ease anxiety and stress.

#1 Meditate. You’ll be amazed what five minutes of meditation can do for your overall sense of well being. That’s it, five minutes. Contrary to popular belief you don’t have to sit on the floor for an hour and chant. Start with five minutes of focusing on your breathing. As you begin to reap the benefits you’ll want to meditate longer. It’ll improve your physical and emotional health. You’ll not only be able to relax immediately when you’re feeling stressed, you’ll begin to manage stress much better. 

Next time you’re feeling overly anxious or stressed go find a quiet place where you can be undisturbed for five minutes. Sit down so you’re comfortable, on a chair or on the floor, whichever works best. Close your eyes and simply focus on your breathing. As thoughts come into your mind, and they will, don’t judge them or react, simply set them aside and continue to focus on your breathing. You’ll feel so much better – instant relaxation.

#2 Daydream. If you’re struggling with meditation or that’s just not your style, daydream instead. Imagine yourself some place relaxing. Some place that makes you feel happy and free. Find a quiet place, or just close your eyes at your desk, and allow yourself to daydream for five minutes. Make your daydreams as vivid as possible. Imagine what things smell like, what they feel like. What sounds do you hear?  

#3 Change your mindset. They say that we attract what we project. With that line of thinking the more you focus on how stressed you are, the more stress you’re going to feel. You’re going to attract stress and anxiety to you. A quick shift in your mindset, however, can provide instant relaxation. 

Next time you’re feeling stressed or fearful, stop your anxiety ridden thoughts and think about five things you’re grateful for. Think about what brings you joy, about the good people in your life, think about what makes you feel happy and good. Sometimes simply thinking about all that you have that’s good can help make the things that are stressing you out seem quite insignificant.

Stress is a part of our life. Sometimes it’s helpful, sometimes it’s harmful. If you feel you are chronically anxious or if you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, it’s important to put these three tips to work for you. It’s also important to see a doctor to help determine if you suffer from an anxiety disorder.

Stress and anxiety don’t have to rule your life.

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Melanie Hall Melanie Hall

Creating a Better Mood

Is it possible to create a better mood for yourself? Can you do it for others? If it is possible, why isn’t everyone always happy? It seems being happy is preferable to being in a bad mood.

Studies have shown it is possible to improve your mood. It can be as simple as thinking you're in a good mood. If you believe it, your attitude will change. In fact, even when you aren’t in a good mood, the simple act of smiling can perk you up.

Is it possible to create a better mood for yourself? Can you do it for others? If it is possible, why isn’t everyone always happy? It seems being happy is preferable to being in a bad mood.

Studies have shown it is possible to improve your mood. It can be as simple as thinking you're in a good mood. If you believe it, your attitude will change. In fact, even when you aren’t in a good mood, the simple act of smiling can perk you up.

One reason why people don’t improve their mood more often is that they don’t know they can. From early childhood, we understand that we have different feelings. Sometimes we will be in a good mood and other times we won’t. Parents and teachers told us it’s just the way it is.

If you want to better your mood, start hanging out with upbeat people. There’s nothing like a sourpuss to bring down a group. These cranky people seem to go out of their way to make sure everyone is miserable. By avoiding these people, you have less chance of being in a bad mood at the start.

Next, create an environment for yourself that lifts your spirits. If a certain type of music gets you pumped, play that music more often. Some people like to burn incense as they feel it can positively alter their moods.

You should reflect on your life and be grateful for what you have. You have a lot to be thankful for if you're in good health. If your family is in good health, you should also be grateful. Your mood will naturally increase towards the positive when you appreciate such things.

Try not to worry about the mundane issues in your life. They are going to happen whether you worry or not. Just take care of them so that they aren’t hanging over your head. Don’t let things build to the point that they become a major matter.

It may seem obvious, but do more things that make you happy and less that don’t. It’s not always possible to avoid adverse situations, but you do have control over most of the activities in your life.

Sometimes, all that is needed is to change up your routine. If you are doing the same activities day in and day out, this can make anyone feel in a bad mood. Try stepping up your game and do something out of the ordinary. In fact, make it a point to do this once every month.

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Mental Health, Communication Melanie Hall Mental Health, Communication Melanie Hall

What Did Stress Reveal to Me?

Essentially, your perspective about stress does not have to change BUT your reaction to it does. Use your time effectively, control what is within your power, be realistic with your approach and allow your mind to move from fixed and paralyzed to growth.

The general consensus is 2020 has been full of stress and will likely go down in history as the most stressful year for a lot of people. Have you paid attention to how the stress has impacted you? Do you feel compressed and overwhelmed? Are your thoughts on the treadmill of your mind? Does problem solving seem to be at an all-time high?

“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.” – Brene Brown

This quote is such a reminder that most people are doing the best they can with their situations and who are we to shame them? Don’t cover up your stress either! No need to be ashamed and please do not allow others to shame you for having a human response to life altering situations. But you can definitely modify how you use it. I have found that some of my best ideas came from me feeling squeezed by stress. I wear a lot of hats and I know you do to but it’s the way we move in it that will determine the long-term effects. I’ve had hair loss, weight gain (stress eating is a thing), headaches, irritability, isolation and self-defeating behaviors when I could not control my stress. It often led to depression if it went unresolved for too long. This is not to say that I don’t experience those symptoms again; I definitely do, but I no longer suffer such negative consequences as a result.

  1. Allow your mind to protect you; it was designed to identify ways to protect you. Allow your stress response to move you into doing and not paralysis. Get organized! Do a brain dump on paper, white board or your phone. Who do you need to call? Where do you need to go? Who do you need to see? Stay current – don’t look too far back or forward. Now is not the time to discuss a five-year plan!

  2. You know that stress can weigh down your immune system and make you vulnerable to disease. One sure fire way to use/fight stress is to remind you to take your vitamins, stray away from the junk and/or go sweat it out. For those that stress eat like myself, I tend to find alternatives to what I’m trying to accomplish. This is not a time to work against myself. I want to chew something crunchy and often salty; therefore, I will look for snacks like nuts instead of chips or fries.

  3. Stress can be motivating by giving us a rush of energy to do things we loathe and even move through them quickly because we want to check it off of our list. Cleaning, fixing, moving and correcting will often happen because we are “frustrated” or “irritable”. Go ahead – get it done! You might find some answers in that stack of papers you’ve been shuffling around.

  4. Some people get a rush from competing. I personally don’t have a competing spirit against others, but I do enjoy outdoing myself and boy do I praise myself when I get it right! I add to my number of strengths and shore up my limitations and this is not done when I’m relaxed…stress usually lights a fire up under me. I am going to get stronger in some facet of my life because I want to be a better version of me and if increased stress helps me build resilience then I’m open to it.

Essentially, your perspective about stress does not have to change BUT your reaction to it does. Use your time effectively, control what is within your power, be realistic with your approach and allow your mind to move from fixed and paralyzed to growth.

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Health, Mental Health Melanie Hall Health, Mental Health Melanie Hall

Adopt These 3 Habits Today To Beat Stress, Anxiety and Depression

Whether you have intermittent bouts of stress, anxiety and depression or it’s a chronic problem, you can change. When you adopt positive habits, they can have a powerful effect on many areas of your life. Let’s take a look at three habits you can adopt today to ease stress, anxiety and depression.

Move your body. Our bodies were not meant to be stationary, sitting on the couch or at a desk all day long. Your body was designed to move. When you move your body you release hormones and activate systems that keep you both physically and mentally/emotionally healthy.

Movement helps not only alleviate stress and anxiety, it helps your body manage it better. It can be compared to vitamin C or zinc for avoiding or reducing the symptoms of the common cold. Movement helps you reduce the symptoms or avoid, stress, depression and anxiety.

What do we mean by movement? Just that, walk, dance, swim, run, do yoga or stretch. It doesn’t matter so much what you do. What matters is that you move your body. A common rule of thumb is to take 10,000 steps a day and/or exercise for 30 minutes.

Moderate exercise is often the easiest to adapt into your current lifestyle. You can walk for 30 minutes, do yoga, jog, swim, dance, and box – whatever you desire. Find something you enjoy and get your amazing body moving like it was designed to.

Quiet your mind. Meditation is the simplest way to quiet your mind. And the wonderful thing about meditation is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. You can walk and meditate. You can sit and meditate.

You can focus on your breathing. You can visualize a scene that makes you feel relaxed. The goal is to simply quiet your mind. To learn to clear away unconscious thoughts. Once you can learn how to control your thoughts and quiet your mind, you can instantly have a better reaction to stress and anxiety. It changes your mindset.

How long should you quiet your mind? When creating a new habit, it’s best to start small. Create a habit you absolutely know you can stick to. Start with 5 minutes of meditation. Add it to the beginning or end of your day, whichever is easiest.

Fuel your body. Your body needs a variety of nutrients and vitamins to help it run optimally. When you fuel your body well, you’re better able to manage stress and you’re simply going to feel better. Depression and anxiety don’t stand a chance. When you put harmful things into your body like too much alcohol, caffeine, sugar and nicotine then your body becomes stressed and it cannot manage the things life throws at you.

Take a multi-vitamin. Cut back on alcohol, caffeine and sugar. And add a serving of fruits or veggies to each meal and snack. This is an easy way to make sure you’re giving your body the nutrients it needs to function well.

Experts say that it takes three weeks to adopt a new habit. These three stress, anxiety and depression reducing habits are simple to adopt. The tough part is committing to them for those first three weeks. You can do it! Your body and your future are depending on you.

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Forgiveness Melanie Hall Forgiveness Melanie Hall

Reaching Forgiveness

Forgiveness toward others can occur when you start to actively forgive yourself and make a regular practice of loving yourself. When you judge yourself, you will have a tendency to project that judgment onto others, no matter how much you tell yourself that you have forgiven them.

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How can I forgive my parents when they were so abusive to me? How can I forgive my significant other for betraying me?

How can I face and forgive abusers and manipulators?

How can I forgive myself when others do not forgive me and throw my past in my face every chance they get?

These are just a few of the questions that come up in session about forgiveness.

We have all been told that forgiveness is good for the soul, and it is. It would be great if we could will(force) ourselves to forgive, yet forgiveness cannot be forced. For so many people forgiving is looks like denying the anger, shame, blame, embarrassment and judgment that may still be there. It has been said that “it’s letting them off the hook without a punishment”. So how do we reach forgiveness?

Forgiveness toward others can occur when you start to actively forgive yourself and make a regular practice of loving yourself. When you judge yourself, you will have a tendency to project that judgment onto others, no matter how much you tell yourself that you have forgiven them.

Let’s start with the first question about forgiving parents. As long as you continue to treat yourself in the abusive ways your parents may have treated you, you cannot reach forgiveness. It is your lack of self-care that perpetuates that anger and hurt. As an adult, you have a wonderful opportunity to learn how to treat yourself with the love, respect, caring and understanding you may have lacked as a child. When you don’t make an effort to accept that you’re not able to change the events that took place, you stay in that disempowering space. Yes, you were wronged, placed in situations where you had no control and robbed of your voice. Now you unconsciously continue the abuse on yourself; similarly, to the way you were abused. When you quiet yourself, you pass on the opportunity to advocate for you! Then you shame yourself, fearing the opportunity to create protective boundaries that can help you heal.

How can you forgive your significant other?

This one can be tricky because you may struggle with taking responsibility for your participation in the breakdown of the relationship which can be confused with taking responsibility for the betrayal. This is definitely not the case! Ask yourself about the times you did not listen to yourself or honor yourself in the relationship. Do you need to forgive yourself for having lose boundaries? Do you have some patterns of behavior such as perfectionism, gaslighting, poor listening skills or controlling behavior that contributed to negativity in the relationship that you perhaps need to change? This means looking at yourself when you really want to focus on the how and why of the other person. It’s hard to see your partner as this flawed being that was willing to put themselves in the position to betray you, but unfortunately human beings are truly flawed. Your partner’s betrayal (no matter how much they attempt to blame you) is not your fault and you will have to accept that you are not the identified person to fix them. Each person will need to be accountable for their own actions. Your job is to investigate how to improve your understanding of what contributed to the injustice. Even if you plan to leave the relationship, you need to forgive yourself and you will eventually create the space to forgive the other person.

Facing and forgiving abusers and manipulators actually has little to do with them. This is not about pardoning, excusing or saying, “I forgive you”. It’s about rationalizing you have been mishandled and mistreated - you are choosing to live a fulfilling life despite their lack of respect, care and concern for you. You have been living in a toxic situation and sometimes you judge yourself for “staying too long” or tell yourself “I should have known better”; that’s looking back and living in the past. Once again, forgiveness is about the natural outgrowth of doing your inner work, moving out of self-judgment and into self-compassion. When you move out of self-judgment you move into acceptance and forgiving yourself for not looking for what’s “owed to you” which is essentially looking for revenge.

How do you forgive yourself when others do not forgive you and throw your past in your face every chance they get? Please know that you will be stuck in anger, self-sabotaging thinking and behavior, judgment, and a victim mindset as long as you allow others to be responsible for whether or not you forgive yourself. Their forgiveness has nothing to do with your decision to judge or forgive yourself. You can learn to love, accept and respect yourself despite your flaws, imperfections. It is all part of the growth process.

Forgiveness is not easy, but it is necessary.

Forgiveness is not easy, but it is necessary. It has to be intentional and it is followed up with managing your perspective, your emotions and your behavior. It’s not about letting go or forgetting; but it is about change, being resilient and overcoming. Forgiveness is often mistaken for the hope of an apology and acknowledgement of wrongdoing – unfortunately you might be waiting for a long time. Looking for this has the makings of holding on to the hurt and pain until they give you permission to let go….You are in charge of your thoughts and feelings and you have been empowered for a long time with the ability to move forward.

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Self Esteem Melanie Hall Self Esteem Melanie Hall

Start Building Self Esteem Today

The things that can improve your self-esteem can be quite simple, yet it requires consistency. What are some of the things you do for yourself that makes you feel good about yourself? What behaviors do you engage in or see others practice that you believe will illicit higher confidence, self-acceptance and worthiness?

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High self-esteem is an extremely important characteristic. Without high levels of self-esteem, you are unlikely to see yourself as being worthy of success or happiness. Low self-esteem can create emotional and cognitive behaviors that are not aligned with who you are or who you want to become.

Higher self-esteem will give you the courage to keep going when things get tough. The way that you see yourself can change your perspective from a pessimistic expectation to an optimistic one. It can make the difference between pushing through or staying in limbo.

Unfortunately, the value of self-esteem is often overlooked, yet the truth is we could all improve our level of self-esteem in some way or another.

The things that can improve your self-esteem can be quite simple, yet it requires consistency. What are some of the things you do for yourself that makes you feel good about yourself? What behaviors do you engage in or see others practice that you believe will illicit higher confidence, self-acceptance and worthiness?

I can tell you from experience that my self-esteem did not increase until I put boundaries in place that allowed me the time and ability to focus on me. Working on self-development, envisioning myself saying “no” to people, places and things that no longer allowed me to grow. Trusting myself to know what was good for me without opening the door for the opinion of others. I no longer sought the affirmation and validation from my friends and family. Furthermore, I unselfishly loved myself the way I deserved which automatically created boundaries for others who attempted to mistreat me.

The conversation that you have with yourself is the most critical one you can and will have in life. Trying on clothes and calling yourself fat, skinny, stupid, dumb, too short, too tall, too dark, too light or ANYTHING other than beautiful will cause your self-esteem to plummet. How can you lift your spirit and feed your soul garbage at the same time? It doesn’t align; therefore, feed yourself an abundance of good and healthy thoughts!

It’s quite ok to have days where you aren’t feeling your best so do not beat yourself up when you find it hard to speak so kindly of yourself. However, lifting yourself out of the dumps requires intentional care so you don’t stay low. Fill your cup with affirmations such as the following:

  • I can respect myself, even if I didn’t do it in the past.

  • I will continue to grow and thrive; despite my beginning.

  • I am capable of handling difficult situations.

  • I may be tired, but I have what it takes to meet my goals.

  • I have pride in who I am because I am not a quitter.

So, when you look at self-esteem from this perspective, you can see that overall self-esteem is just a balance between things that make you feel good, and things that make you feel bad. If you feel good more often than you do bad, you will have higher self-esteem and vice versa. The key here is changing what you’ve always done to what you’re starting to do. If you are able to identify the things that make you feel bad and replace them with the things that make you feel good, ultimately your self-esteem will improve.

This principle of change is so simple it is often overlooked, because people become used to doing the same things day in day out. Change the record! By doing the same things every day, your thought patterns remain the same every day and so you FEEL the same every day. Change the way you think and feel so you can ultimately change your life. If you continue to struggle with your self-esteem I encourage you to reach out to a local therapist who can help you identify barriers to change and assist you in sorting through your feelings or take a look at some self-help books that target increasing self-esteem. I personally did both and I am grateful for my commitment to working every day at being better than I was the day before and I truly want the same for you too!

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Self Esteem Melanie Hall Self Esteem Melanie Hall

Infidelity – Caught In The Act

Trust is an essential element to any relationship and is at the core of healthy relationships. Trust is built out of verbal and non-verbal communication. Unfortunately, once that trust has been abused and mishandled, it can be very difficult to rebuild.

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Trust is an essential element to any relationship and is at the core of healthy relationships. Trust is built out of verbal and non-verbal communication. Unfortunately, once that trust has been abused and mishandled, it can be very difficult to rebuild.

Let’s say that you have a long-term relationship and you really love your partner, but your affair is revealed. No matter how you were caught the shock and betrayal have to be managed if you want to save the relationship. Infidelity causes intense emotional pain, anger, embarrassment, disbelief, fear, guilt and shame; but an affair does not have to mean the end of your relationship.

Here are some useful tips that may help you save your relationship:

  • You must end the affair. If you want to preserve the relationship with your significant other, all interactions and communications must cease immediately with the other person.   

  • You must have open communication and tell the truth. The lie has been revealed and you must be intentional and transparent. You will feel judged and unloved during the conversations but unfortunately this is often part of the process. The worst has already occurred, and denial of the truth is insulting especially when the person is now aware of the lies. Your goal is to salvage and rebuild. 

The long list of questions, the probe for details, the mixed emotions and seemingly irrational rants are a reaction to pain. If you do not want to lose your mate, you will have to endure their adjustment to learning about your secrets. Identify your issues and why you chose to break the agreement. If you do not communicate truthfully the relationship will fail. The two of you will have to determine if you want to work on saving the relationship or separate.  Together the relationship needs to be examined because it has now been altered.

  • Apologize. You broke the agreement to be exclusive and your partner is emotionally hurt and confused. You need to communicate remorse and begin new behaviors that support your apology. Be accountable for your choices and do not attempt to put the blame on your partner.  

  • Give your partner some space. Stress is stress; whether it is emotional, physical, mental or financial and neither of you can rush the process of getting on the other side of the issue. You must take breaks from the issues to allow ample time to evaluate and actively engage in self-care. 

  • Seek counseling. Infidelity often reveals unspoken expectations, codependency as well as incompatible ideas and needs. Counseling provides both parties an impartial ear, objective ideas and a safe space to process the trouble spots. There is a deep dive into “why” and then “what now”. This is where new agreements and expectations are created, respect is learned, and understanding can happen. 

Sometimes after overcoming a situation like this, the relationship exceeds your expectations and a healthy relationship is born. But understand, you may also find that you have had some poor coping skills, toxic learned behavior, unrealistic expectations and damaging patterns that you or both of you will have to work on managing for the duration of the relationship and your mental health. This is possible for all involved but not without empathy, patience and willingness. 

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Self Esteem Melanie Hall Self Esteem Melanie Hall

4 Steps to Begin Conquering Low Self Esteem

These four steps are a great starting point and quite possibly may seem challenging but remember there is no quick fix and the goal is to focus on progressing and managing. As long as you are working on it and progressing, it means you’re still in the fight and you have not given up on yourself.

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Believe it or not, some of the most successful people you see in the media today used to have low self-esteem. How did they overcome this and become the successful people that they are today?

You CAN win the battle over low self-esteem beginning with these 4 steps.

1. Affirmations

Affirmations are simply positive statements that you say out loud to yourself every day. This can be very difficult at times because you may not actually BELIEVE what you are saying. So why would you say something to yourself that you don’t believe? Affirmations strengthen our belief in our potential to manifest our desires.

Increased self-esteem has to start with you. Your self-esteem is likely a product of hearing negative messages over and over again, so often that you began to believe them. Therefore, one can surmise that countering them with positive messages will over time, become believable. Positive affirmations such as “I forgive those who have harmed me in my past and peacefully detach from them” or “I wake up today with strength in my heart and clarity in my mind”.

Repeat statements like these to yourself out loud at least 10 times in the mirror before leaving home. When you say them, do not mumble them, say them as many times as necessary with passion and conviction.

2. Read to grow

Again, increased self-esteem starts with you and what you practice on a daily basis. Read something every day for at least 30 minutes that will help you increase your self-esteem. This can be an article, a book, or even a listening to a podcast that supports the affirmations you repeat. The more you learn and incorporate into your thought patterns the more you will grow. The more you grow, the more your self-esteem will improve.

3. Take action every day

Do something every day, starting with something small, that directly positions you to deal with your low self-esteem. For instance, if you have difficulty talking with people because you feel insecure and inferior, start off by saying speaking and proudly stating your name with eye contact. Do this with everyone you come in contact with to build your confidence the fears of having to interact with others in a social setting. The consistency pushes out the habit of negative thinking.

4. Manage the negative thoughts

Negative thoughts are like land mines. As soon as you step out to face your fear, a negative thought comes and tells you that you CANNOT do it and BOOM; you believe it and lose that round. Instead, diffuse negative thoughts before they have a chance to do damage. A great way to do damage control is by challenging the negative thoughts. A pattern of thoughts often filled with assumptions, generalizations and catastrophizing that create a cycle of thinking that seems to support the low self-esteem. Every time a thought comes into your head that tells you that you can’t – counter it with how you CAN succeed.

These four steps are a great starting point and quite possibly may seem challenging but remember there is no quick fix and the goal is to focus on progressing and managing. As long as you are working on it and progressing, it means you’re still in the fight and you have not given up on yourself. Self-esteem is filled with self-acceptance, self-worth and self-love, all areas that took a beating over time. Reclaim your sense of self and work diligently on rebuilding! Books, positive statements from others, focusing on your strengths and working on areas of improvement, journaling and engaging in individual therapy are all layers of helping yourself overcome a poor sense of self. Tap into your resources and become that better version of yourself.

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Communication Melanie Hall Communication Melanie Hall

Why Every Couple Should Talk About Money

Talking about money is just as important as other parts of a couple’s long-term success. Communicating about money will ensure that the two of you are creating and committed to the same joint vision. When couples make time to talk about money on a regular basis there’s an increased chance of avoiding misunderstandings and inconsistencies.

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Talking about money is just as important as other parts of a couple’s long-term success. Communicating about money will ensure that the two of you are creating and committed to the same joint vision. When couples make time to talk about money on a regular basis there’s an increased chance of avoiding misunderstandings and inconsistencies. Here are 5 key reasons why money should be a part of your relationship conversations:

To Create a Joint Vision

The both of you may have very different ideas about what constitutes success. One of you may have a goal of home ownership and the other prefers to rent; one person may enjoy building a nest egg and living as a minimalist and the other person indulges in retail therapy and impulse buys. These are issues that are revealed when two people are able to discuss money without judgement. If these conversations do not take place; poor money habits become larger, trust weakens and tension builds.  As an active participant in accomplishing individual and collective goals, it’s important for each of you to feel heard and valued as a contributor in the relationship.  

To Ensure You’re on The Same Page

If you want to make sure you’re both on the same page about financial goals I encourage couples to come to the table with a list of their financial needs and wants broken down by long term and short term goals. Regardless of how compatible two people believe they are; it is always interesting to see how differently one thinks is the best way to accomplish said goals when they are written down and discussed at length. After you determine the two of you are on the same page is it a great idea to evaluate monthly to ensure staying on track. Monthly meetings will allow you to address impulses, deficits or concerns appropriately. 

To Pursue Shared Goals in Life

Actively pursuing shared life goals are an important part of any relationship. You and your significant other will appreciate the attention given to discuss saving for the future so that you can enjoy travel, or check things off your bucket list. Financial planning for the future will not only give you something to look forward to but it can also reduce stressful encounters and reduce negative feelings. 

While pursuing shard goals, it’s considered healthy to have individual goals throughout the duration of the relationship. Putting your income together for shared goals or routine household finances are common. However, if one of you wants to pursue school, start a business or purchase a new car; it is best to discuss them to ensure the both of you agree on the impact on your overall financial growth. 

To Avoid Problems 

How important is it to talk about your finances? If you never talk about money and both of you are doing “your own thing”, 20 years can go by without either of you paying attention. That means you’re likely enabling one anothers poor financial behavior, avoiding emotional blow ups (that will eventually happen anyway), wind up without a savings and essentially only manage tasks and putting out financial fires. While you can’t possibly be perfect or do everything perfectly; the goal is to intentionally working together at removing financial problems as one of your hurdles. 

The Financial Future

Talking about money doesn’t have to be hard. Financial planning is only one aspect of your life together, but it’s what is going to help you meet your goals individually and collectively with the goal of living a happier life. Talking about it and setting yourself up for success will simply remove undue stress that doesn’t have to exist. If the both of you commit to meeting on a regular basis to collaborate based on the wants and needs you are more likely to be successful. 

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Melanie Hall Melanie Hall

Anger Management Tips to use in Stressful Situations

When an individual is dealing with anger issues, usually their emotions evolve when put in stressful situations. If a difficult incident pops up, often their only way to cope with it is to put up their defensive side. Becoming angry is probably easier than dealing with the circumstances. This is unfortunate since anger doesn't solve anything. Once it subsides, the problem is still there. 

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When an individual is dealing with anger issues, usually their emotions evolve when put in stressful situations. If a difficult incident pops up, often their only way to cope with it is to put up their defensive side. Becoming angry is probably easier than dealing with the circumstances. This is unfortunate since anger doesn't solve anything. Once it subsides, the problem is still there. 

There are anger management tips which people can use when found in high stress situations. If there is a friend or family member who is easy to talk to and understanding, it might be good to talk to them. When an individual’s anger escalates they become incapable of seeing other perspectives of the problem. Talking to someone else may help because they may share another side of the story. The friend or family member may be able to help them sort through their issues and make them look at the situation from the other side. This anger management tip may work well for some people.

Another great anger management tip is to write down thoughts and feelings. You may feel as if you are alone and no one understands or cares about your problems. Sharing may only cause extra conflict or make it more complex. Lashing out is sometimes a dead end. Writing or journaling may help you process your anger. Without anyone to talk back or object to what they have to say, it may be helpful to get their feelings off their chest. Using writing as an anger management tip may also help in the future when trying to find the triggers which cause the angry outbursts. Being able to look back over the information written may provide the person with reasons for their anger through reading about similar incidents.

Taking a vacation, spending some alone time is another good anger management tip. Removing oneself from the environment which seems to frustrate and irritate them may be a wise idea. Being able to get away and reflect on their actions may help an individual to look at things differently. Given space and time may be positive for a person with anger issues. 

Some people suggest prayer and meditation as anger management tips. Both of these suggestions involve very personal practices for an individual. Given a chance to pray and be alone with one's thoughts is a good way to release tension and let the pressures of life wash away. Letting go of feelings of anger and negative thoughts would definitely make a positive change in a person's life. Through prayer and meditation a person is able to dig deep into their minds and souls for answers to their problems and comfort for their broken spirits. 

There are lots of anger management tips which people can practice when the going gets tough. Tips such as breathe deeply, exercise, get more rest, get out in nature, find humor in the situation and play or listen to music. These are all recommended as anger management tips for the person who finds themselves in stressful and confrontational situations. 

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