Self-Judgement Versus Self-Awareness
What’s your real opinion of yourself? Do you find fault in all that you do? Is your self-talk primarily negative talk?
This is a running theme we see in counseling; clients often have a negative view of themselves that manifests itself into self sabotaging thinking and behavior, inability to take compliments, and lots of harsh judgment. Do you think that if you judge yourself enough that you will eventually live up to the perfection you have in your mind and at that point it is ok to love yourself?
There’s a difference between self-awareness and self-judging. One has nothing to do with the other and you do not need one to have the other.
The judgment that we have for ourselves is born out of the act of comparing ourselves to others and an ongoing recognition that we have not reached our goal; meaning we are not successful. We have a difficult time creating personal and professional goals because we have convinced ourselves that we aren’t going to succeed in that way. We have essentially trained ourselves to say, “you are not as good as them!” This mindset typically has an origin of failed attempts or being told “no” – so we give up. Giving up supports the judgment and we convince ourselves it’s true.
Self judgement breeds fear, anxiety, anger, and cycles of depression. Some may engage in judging themselves first before others do it as a sense of motivation, but to be so critical of yourself can lead to stagnation.
How is this different from self-awareness? Self-awareness is not about finding fault within yourself. It is more so being aware of self judgement and how often you pick yourself apart. You can interrupt your habit of self judgement by looking at yourself more objectively. Work on understanding your patterns of behavior, thought, and feeling and how it dictates your interactions within the world around you.
Self-awareness is primarily about the ability to pay so much attention to yourself that you get you! With an increase in self- awareness your relationships can be revamped. You can say to someone, “I’m aware of my behavior and I recognize how it impacts you.” Your pattern of decision making is changed because you are aware of the choices that truly impact you. You’re able to compartmentalize thoughts, emotions, and behavior. It allows you to slow down and say, “is this my issue or someone else’s.” Essentially, an increased sense of self can change you and the relationships you maintain. To increase your sense of self, I recommend you do this:
*Start by paying attention to the things that rub you the wrong way.
*Pay attention to how others interact with you as an increased awareness.
*Slow down and observe the world around you more.
*Identify the things that trigger you and the situations that you avoid as a result. Then, learn to manage your thoughts and emotions.
*Become more mindful of how you speak of yourself and others.
*Be intentional about how you engage with others. Eliminate the comparisons because this is not the time for competition.
*Review your value system.